Love, Stephany

“Dear NICU Mama, When it feels like too much, I hope you know that yes, you can.

When it feels like too much as you helplessly watch your baby fight their battle and you wonder how you could possibly keep going, I hope you know that yes, you can. You can keep going, and you will prevail. You are everything your baby needs right now in this moment.

When it feels like too much as you cry walking down the corridor and you ask yourself how you will leave your baby another night, I hope you know that yes, you can. You can muster all of your strength and be strong for your baby while you visit the NICU. You can also crumble and fall apart when you leave them behind again.

When it feels like too much as you contemplate cancelling another plan, I hope you know that yes, you can. You may feel misunderstood, and you may long for some sort of normalcy, but you are doing your best to keep your baby safe. Yes, you can get through this, and you can protect them in the best way you know how.

When it feels like too much as your baby faces another setback, I just hope you know that yes, you can. You can embrace the heartache you feel when you long to hold your baby close and when you’re feeling helpless and afraid. But you can also “ooh” and “ahh” at every milestone they meet. You can be grateful for every ounce they gain and excited for every ml they drink. You can be happy your baby is breathing room air or strong enough to be held for kangaroo care for the first time.

And if it feels like too much as you grieve the pregnancy and delivery you had envisioned for yourself, just remember that yes, you can. You can long for the birth plan you had before the trauma. You can feel guilt and grief that you couldn’t carry your baby full term, and you can also allow yourself to feel thankful your baby grew and felt comfort within your womb. You can feel grateful your body protected you and your baby.

And if today was tough and hard to get through, mama, just remember: yes, you can.”
Love,
Stephany

More of Stephany + her son’s NICU journey:

“In March 2020, my husband and I celebrated the news that we would be expecting our first baby in November 2020. My pregnancy was great, until it wasn’t. At a routine ultrasound in early September, my husband and I were unexpectedly airlifted 7 hours away from our home to a children’s hospital. Four days later we delivered our boy via emergency C-section at just 29 weeks gestation due to severe preeclampsia. He was 2lbs 3oz of pure sweetness. His lung collapsed shortly after his arrival, and he was faced with a pulmonary hemorrhage. We spent 58 days in the NICU. They were the hardest 58 days we’ve ever endured. There were days we couldn’t navigate one minute to the next, but somehow we did. We are all stronger and closer than we have ever been, and it’s because of our miracle boy!”