Love, Holly

“Dear NICU Mama,

My hope for you in 2021 is that you learn to forgive your body. That’s much easier said than done, especially when it feels like it couldn’t do the one thing it was “supposed” to do: provide your child with a safe space until they were ready to meet you earth-side.

Your body didn’t fail. It survived. It persevered. It carried your baby as long as it could with strength and tenacity, until it took a much-needed rest to make sure you lived to see their many years.

Be grateful that your body gave you a sign that it needed help. Be grateful that for the days your womb was full, it worked hard to nurture and grow your precious baby.

Forgive your body for its shortcomings. Mourn the days you lost together as one and the kicks you never got a chance to feel. Allow yourself to grieve the pregnancy you didn’t get. But overall, make sure you celebrate your body’s power, for it fought hard to keep you here. It worked hard to make sure you lived to hug your child. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Your body didn’t fail. And neither did you.

Love,

Holly

More of Holly + Her Son’s NICU journey:

“My son was born last April at just 31 weeks, because I developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I was at the hospital just long enough for them to run labs before being wheeled into an emergency c-section. While I was in the OR (under general anesthesia), my husband waited in the hall while a nurse told him it was a good thing we came in when we did; had we let it go any longer, they predicted my son and I wouldn't have survived.

My son spent 36 days in the NICU. He was, by all counts, a healthy baby, but his relatively "easy" NICU stay was that much harder. My own body was healing from the illness, and I fell into a deep depression as I blamed myself and my body for not doing what it was supposed to do. As time goes on, I'm learning to forgive myself and realize that it actually did do exactly what it needed — it worked hard to save my and my son's lives.

He's now 8.5 months old and doing better than ever!”