Love, Emily

Dear NICU Mama,

You and your full-term NICU baby are strong and you are brave. You were possibly thrown into this NICU world unplanned. You probably packed a bag for you and your baby thinking that you would both be home in a few days. But now you’re here and you’re hiding from social media and all the pictures of moms and their babies right after birth. You’re hiding from those first family photos in the postpartum unit where everyone looks exhausted but happy. You’re dreading going into your car with an unused car seat and to a home that’s set up to bring home your four day old baby. I see you. I was you.

 You’ve been thrust into this new unknown and are told there’s no timeline because baby needs to do x, y, and z. You’re dreading going out and running into people who will ask you how the baby is because you don’t know how to answer. Maybe you’ve disabled your messaging so that people can’t send you congratulations texts because right now you feel like there’s nothing to congratulate you about.

 No one wants a scary unplanned birth which then turns into a scary unplanned NICU stay, but you’re going to do this. You’re going to make the most of touching your baby, helping with cares, learning standard to metric conversions. Your first baby photo and first family photo most likely won’t look like the one you wished for, but take the picture you wished you had.

It’s okay to hibernate and post what happened a week later. It’s okay to say there was some issues but we’re working on getting stronger, and it’s okay to tell everyone what happened. Lean on the support system you would have had if your baby was home or in the hospital. Say yes to help with groceries and food deliveries, and say yes to the drop off of goodies.

 You’re doing this mama, and you’re doing an amazing job. Hold tight - the best is yet to come.

Love,

Emily

More of Emily + Tobias’ story:

Tobias was born at 41 weeks 3 day after 36 hours of induction and labor. Although Emily’s waters broke clear, Tobias was covered in meconium and was not breathing, so he was intubated and rushed to the NICU. Four hours after birth, they were told that the next 36 hours were critical and that there was a chance he would need to be transferred to another hospital that could provide ECMO. But, he would need to survive to make it to that point. It was the scariest day of Emily’s life. By 48 hours old, they had removed him from the occilating vent to conventional vent, and at 6 days he was placed on oxygen. He came home at 13 days old when they were originally told they didn’t know when (or if) he would come home.

The best part coming out of their NICU stay (minus him obviously) was her body responding well to the pump. Emily donated milk for the first 15 months of Tobias’ life to the New York milk bank, helping NICU babies across the state. They donated about 7500oz! It was the best way she knew how to give back.

At the end of this month, Tobias will be 2. He’s their miracle after multiple rounds of fertility treatments and after almost losing him at birth. He is their greatest gift.