Love, Karla

Dear NICU mama, 

You and your full-term NICU baby are in a foreign land. Maybe you knew you’d have a layover here, maybe you knew you’d have an extended stay. Or maybe, your emergency landing came as a complete surprise to everyone - including you. However you reached this unfamiliar place, your journey home began the moment you arrived. 

Soon you will meet many kind and smart people who will help you find your way. There will be nurses and residents, respiratory therapists and lactation consultants, neonatologists and so many more -ologists, you’ll wonder if there could possibly be another. All together, you make quite a team. They specialize in saving babies; you specialize in loving yours.

It will take time to adjust to the NICU way of life. Handwashing, patient rounds, and care times are the norm here. New words will be added to your vocabulary: blood gas, pulse ox, picc line. You’ll practice articulating your baby’s needs and advocating for her until one day, you’ll find you’ve become fluent in this foreign language.  

Feeling homesick is not uncommon. Your thoughts may be preoccupied with unfulfilled dreams or they may take you back to a time when you didn’t wonder how or why this all happened. On weary days, you may simply wish you could fast forward to a time when this whole experience is over. I know this is not how you imagined mothering would be. But friend, please hear me when I say this. You are doing your best to be the mother your baby needs you to be, and your best is enough. YOU are enough.  

So, dear NICU Mama, may you and your full-term NICU baby travel safely and arrive home soon. Whether you catch an early flight out today, or if you must see more of the wilderness before you go, one day you will return home, and the NICU will be all you’ve ever known of motherhood. At times, you may find it difficult to relate to other mothers, but your story will always find a home with us. We’ve met the people; we speak the language. We still wash our hands; we feel homesick too. While your path will always be your own, you don’t have to travel it alone. We are here for you as you find your way. We are all forever changed by our stays. 

Love, 

Karla

More of Karla’s story:

Karla’s daughter was born at 41 weeks and 3 days via emergency c section. She was diagnosed with severe meconium aspiration syndrome and persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn. Karla’s daughter spent 3.5 days on extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) and 60 days in the NICU. When they go back to the NICU to visit, Karla and her husband often hear that no one would ever know all that their daughter went through. She just turned two and is a happy, healthy, active, and social little girl! 

Connect with Karla on Instagram at @karlafilibeckwrites.