S8 Ep 8 Transcription
S8 E8 | “Right On Time” Mamas Call In!
Ashley & Aisha: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Dear NICU Mama Podcast. This podcast is a safe place to connect with other NICU moms by listening to interviews with trauma informed medical and maternal mental health experts, remarkable stories from the NICU, and intentional roundtable conversations. Our hope is that you feel like you're sitting across the table from another NICU sister and feel seen and validated in your experience.
Ashley & Aisha: No matter where you are on your healing journey, this podcast is here to remind you that you are not alone. Welcome to the Sisterhood.
Ashley: Happy April, Aisha. How are you doing
Ashley: today?
Aisha: I'm doing good. It is raining, but you know what they say, April showers bring May flowers.
Ashley: Bring my flowers. My for you page and my algorithm all on my social media is just cut flower gardens and I'm very happy If I can add one more hobby to my list, I'm like, it [00:01:00] might as well be flowers. So I'm getting like, constant like, ads and things to plan my own flower garden. So, and I've been messaging Martha a bunch of like, hey, what should I do for my
Ashley: garden?
Ashley: So.
Aisha: must be very similar because I'mgetting the same thing and I don't have a green thumb, but my =sister does.
Ashley: There you go.
Aisha: there's this really cool, like teepee flower thingy. I'm going to send it to you and flowers grow all up it and you can go in it. And it's like a little garden, like flowery tent. And I really want to do it. I don't know how, but it's so cool. You know how Instagram makes everything look easy and cool.
Ashley: Everything happens in a minute and 30 seconds, right? That's how long it takes. Oh gosh. I do feel like though our kids are getting to ages where they can help and like be a part of it. [00:02:00] So I'm really eager. It's like, Show him a few things, because even, um, Rye's parents are huge gardeners, like they have the, I'm not kidding, their garden is the size of their house, and I'm not exaggerating, like it's literally the size of their house, and they do primarily vegetables, but his mom loves flowers, so they have flowers all over, and anyways, but Silas last year loved getting to like help weed, and help even plant some of the vegetables, and then of course like when you get to harvest cucumbers, it's like the coolest thing ever.
Ashley: So I feel like they're just at such a fun age where they get to do it with you, which
Ashley: is just magic, but
Aisha: Yep, Ava got some sunflower seeds for Easter I'm excited. She's
Ashley: Yeah It is so cool when they get to see
Ashley: it like
Ashley: pop out of the ground and they're like I did that I get to help with
Ashley: that
Aisha: Yeah.
Ashley: feel you. Well, I love it. Well, I Mamas, welcome back to the podcast. If you are a longtime listener, hello. Thank you for always tuning in with us. And if you are a new [00:03:00] listener, welcome officially to the podcast.
Ashley: We hope that this podcast is always just a really conversational time where you feel like you're sitting across the seat from another NICU mom over coffee. I wish we could send lattes to every one of you listening. But we'll just have to virtually do that. But, um, we do these really fun Mamas Call In episodes where we have the opportunity to hear from members of this community and they're always some of our favorite episodes because we get to connect with more of you.
Ashley: So, uh, make sure that you're a part of our private Facebook group. You'll find the link here right in the description, because that's where we will post a lot of the prompts that we'll share as well as our Instagram. We'll post it on our stories, but I would say most of our submissions come Come from the Facebook groups because it's just more, you see
Ashley: it more, um, but this week we decided to do, uh, A momma's callin all about this, uh,
Ashley: how should I say it, phrase?
Ashley: Right on time. If [00:04:00] you are a long time follower of Dear NICU mama, you might have seen our Right on Time collection. If you could see me, you'd see that I'm wearing one of the sweatshirts. But it was inspired, um, After our right on time poem. And so we thought it would be really cool to do an episode, just highlighting some of the stories of your miraculous kiddos and times in their life that they were right on time.
Ashley: So these stories, uh, we have some written stories that Aisha and I will read aloud, and then we have some voicemails that we'll leave you at the end. But Aisha, should we together share a little, maybe a story or two of our kiddos in a time
Ashley: that they
Ashley: were
Ashley: right on time?
Aisha: Um, yeah, I was thinking about that As I was reading, um,
Aisha: some of the responses, just kind of thinking of thinking of our own journey. um, Ava has absolutely, she has just always demonstrated that she's on her own timeline and everything she does. Is in her [00:05:00] perfect time. And so, um, but one of the cool
Aisha: ones that I was thinking about, was when she was in the NICU,
Aisha: I would make these little milestone cards with little rainbows because she's my rainbow baby and they would be for each week that
Aisha: passed in the NICU. And so I was making them one day and for some reason, um, You know, like I made a pile and then like put it aside and kind of left it to the side, um, and got busy with other things. Um, but I remember every week I would come and bring one and stick it on her, um, like in her closet door in the NICU And um, and then it was time for coming home. And I realized I had made exactly 11 weeks of milestone cards, um, and she came home at 11 weeks and I thought that that was like the craziest thing, because I.
Aisha: I didn't, you never know how long [00:06:00] your NICU stay is going to be. And so, um, when I had made them, I had stopped at 11 and that was exactly the amount of weeks that she was in the NICU.
Aisha: And that was just like
Aisha: one one of the very
Aisha: first examples of that. Um, and so now when I look at her journey, I always remember that because, um, it just, it is a reminder that from the very beginning she has had her own timeline and we just have to trust it.
Ashley: yeah, Oh man. And not to put you on the spot, but
Ashley: Ava's in some
Ashley: therapies and different things and so you're continually getting to see her reach these milestones that she works so incredibly hard for. So do you have one that comes to mind, um, that you've noticed maybe from like some of
Ashley: her water therapy or PT?
Ashley: I mean,
Ashley: is
Ashley: there one that sticks out to you?
Aisha: Yes. Yes. Actually yesterday. Um, so she [00:07:00] has very low tone and she's in physical therapy. She's in occupational therapy and she's in aquatic therapy all to help with, strengthening, but also balance and gross motor skills. So things like. and um, running, um, and jumping come very difficult to her. So she's been working really hard.
Ashley:
Aisha: but, um, just recently she has started to go up the stairs without any assistance. And it's insane Like yesterday, we were at church for,
Aisha: Easter and,the kids areas in the bottom floor. And then we were like, okay, let's go back upstairs, you know, to leave.
Aisha: And she's in a I do it myself phase right now. And so I went to go like, hold her hand to help her go up the stairs. And she just literally started going up the stairs. With no assistance, and I was just like, oh my gosh, like taking videos to send to her
Aisha: therapists.
Aisha: Um, so yeah, she, she,
Aisha: really is. She works so
Aisha: hard. [00:08:00] She's in therapy like literally every day
Aisha: of the week and just to see it pay off in the end is, uh, it's like the
Aisha: most my, yeah, it's the most
Aisha: amazing.
Aisha: thing to witness.
Ashley: She's incredible. And you're such a good mom too, for advocating for her and continuing to, we know it's like a full-time job too, to like get them to their appointments and do those things. And it's really is a partnership right? Between like parents and child and so, um, way to go.
Ashley: Way to go, but yeah. Celebrating
Ashley: every milestone
Ashley: with you.
Aisha: yeah, yes, we are too. Thank you.
Aisha: And I always feel that when, you know, whenever I share it, that's, that's the amazing thing too, of being part of the sisterhood is that you, you feel like you have this whole group of women that are rallying behind you and celebrating each victory and like
Aisha: cheering you on,
Aisha: or, you
Aisha: Providing that
Aisha: comfort when you need it too, because it's
Aisha: not always easy and it is hard and it's a lot of work and, [00:09:00] but, um, just to feel that support and know that there are other mamas that are going through the same things and are there to kind of just listen is, is the best thing that, um, for me has come out of being part of Dear NICU mama is just the community that we get to be a
Ashley: Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. It is really special.
Ashley: I
Aisha: And how about you, Ash? Do you have any
Aisha: right on time stories? Si has also overcome so, so
Aisha: much.
Ashley: I, um, I feel weird, like, saying this, but like, I wrote the poem right on time,
Ashley: when I wrote it, I, um, I think this was now two years ago if I remember correctly. So Silas was like just graduating, um, early intervention services and we were kind of entering into like where you no longer qualify for like the um, You know,
Ashley: you maybe drop a couple therapies to like [00:10:00] focus on one or maybe you're even done with therapies.
Ashley: And I just remember just feeling really exhausted by the charts and the graphs and feeling like, you know, my child is more than this like and they were never intentionally right like But there's just kind of this like feeling like well Our focus is the graph and I'm like, well, my focus is that he
Ashley: knows he's loved by me and like, you know, like, I'm going to work on those.
Ashley: I'm going to make sure he hits the milestones. He needs to, like, I will do my part to get him to therapies and advocate for him. But at the end of the day, I want him to know how proud I am. of everything he does, like even the ones that never get tracked on a graph, the ones that never get recognition by medical professionals or things.
Ashley: Um,
Aisha: hmm.
Ashley: and so that's what really inspired the poem was just like, it was like a love letter to my son of just like, no matter what the graphs say, no matter what the charts [00:11:00] say,
Ashley: like you are always right
Ashley: on time. And I see this all the time with our kids with these NICU babies is that they defy the odds. on their own timelines and I think the beautiful thing is that we all know how hard it takes to hit those and so like we will celebrate the quote tiniest
Ashley: of milestones because it's a
Ashley: mountain
Ashley: for them like they have they fought to be here and I vow to myself like I'm gonna celebrate everything you know um but anyways tangent aside um I was thinking about like one to share for tonight and it actually It's super recent for me as well.
Ashley: Um, today we got bikes for the kids cause it's finally nice enough out and Silas was ready to maybe graduate from the Strider bike. And so we got him a bike with training wheels and we had kind of introduced him to that last year and he was really uninterested and was just like, really didn't want to learn it.
Ashley: It was just kind of like, it's [00:12:00] too hard. And, you know, we were like, that's okay. And so. Um, we got him this bike and tonight he was just pedaling around the neighborhood and it took him a little bit. He looked at me at one point and said,
Ashley: mommy, these pedals are tricky, but I'm figuring it out. And I was like, you are like, you are buddy.
Ashley: And I'm like, I'm sure the whole neighborhood heard me cheering him on, but there was just like a point where it hit me. I'm like watching him right away. And I'm just like, Oh my goodness, because we've talked about it before, like, when you're in the NICU, you, you wonder, like, will we have
Ashley: those
Ashley: traditional moments in childhood, right?
Ashley: Like, because when you're in the NICU, none of it feels normal or expected, or it's just different milestones maybe than you anticipated celebrating, like the weight of a diaper, you know? Like, didn't ever anticipate doing that, but then you get to this other point in parenthood and you start to see them do these things that you wondered about [00:13:00] when they were little like that and you're
Ashley: just like I couldn't help but
Ashley: get so
Ashley: emotional I was just like you're doing it and you're right on time like this is such a mountain for you and I'm just like I'm just screaming from the mountaintops with you of how proud I am so that was just like a really proud moment for us and just like when you see all they overcame just from the moment they were born and now riding a bicycle it's just
Ashley: unexplainable
Ashley: pride so
Aisha: Yep, you can't explain it there. You're absolutely right. And well, I just love
Aisha: um, I love how you put it. Our babies I feel like as NICU parents, we are given some, like, kind of like these magnifying glasses and we're kind of like looking at our babies with like so much detail and trying to like track everything and make sure like, you know, is everything developing how it should be? and we're just hypervigilant.
Aisha: And [00:14:00] so, um, I think when I read your poem for the first time, what it reminded me of is I can just marvel in who Ava is, not what she does, but who she
Aisha: is. And that's a, that is, it was such a like weight off of my shoulders. Um, because,
Aisha: um, our babies are amazing regardless of what they
Aisha: can
Aisha: do. You know, it's who they are. And
Aisha: so that poem, I actually pulled
Ashley: Ha
Aisha: up. And I
Aisha: wanted
Aisha: to, to read it because,
Aisha: um, and I'm pulling in
Ashley: Yeah.
Aisha: now for real,
Aisha: because I know you
Aisha: love to
Aisha: to read,
Aisha: um, other people's, yes, other people's, um, uh, what, what they write, um, in the episode. So I'm going to read, um, You Are Right On Time by Ashley Hamm. [00:15:00] Your child is delayed, they said. We'll watch them closely until they're two. Your child is behind, they said, in math and reading too. If only they could see the ways they fought so hard at birth, and overcome so much before they ever spoke a word.I promise to do all I can to make sure that they succeed. But my number one priority is that they know they are loved by me. My child's worth can't be contained in numbers, scales, or charts. Their essence and their beauty is found in their joy and in their heart. Every milestone they reach is a mountain they've had to climb. And as they reach each summit, I'll say, My love, you're right on time.
Aisha: Thank you for
Ashley: Oh, . Thank you for reading it. It's so beautiful when you read it.
Ashley: Oh
Ashley: man.
Aisha: well, we got some
Aisha: really good responses and [00:16:00] as always, it was so just, Inspiring to, um, read from the mamas in this sisterhood So I am going to read a couple, our first letter, um, is from
Aisha: Breanne in Denver, Colorado, and she says, hi, ladies. My name is Breanne and I live in Denver, Colorado. my daughter's right on time story was really when she was born. My due date was July 4th and we had all the plans and her name already picked out. Then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. With lucky me, I'm the 2 percent of people that get preeclampsia with your second, if you didn't have it with your first. So everything was a surprise. My daughter ended up being born on May 24th, six weeks early. We had already decided her name would be Lily Ann May. What is really beautiful about that is not only [00:17:00] was she born in May, and that is her middle name, but also the birth flower for May is lilies. She was meant to be born in May.
Aisha: Your tagline of NICU babies being right on time is so perfect for our little girl. Thanks for all you do
Ashley: Oh, I love
Aisha: Me too, what a beautiful name.
Ashley: beautiful. The lilies! Oh my goodness. Thank you so much, Brianne, for sharing that. That is so stunning.Let's see. Okay.
Ashley: All right, up next we have one from Sarah. She says, Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm from Georgia. Our NICU journey started in October of 22 when my daughter was born at 28 weeks because of severe preeclampsia.
Ashley: Having a baby 12 weeks early was emotional enough and then we learned she had a brain bleed and two holes in her heart. I remember not just fearing for her life but the obstacles she may face developmentally.
Ashley: At 33 weeks, we tried the bottle for the first time. It took a couple of weeks for her to get used to the suck, swallow, breathe. Even when she was consistently taking [00:18:00] bottles, the volume was always bare minimum. We got home from the NICU and we struggled to get her to eat. Really poor weight gain for months declared failure to thrive.
Ashley: She wouldn't take bottles from anyone other than mom and most of the time wouldn't eat unless we were home. Weekly weight checks, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and a GI doctor became a part of our regular routine.
Ashley: We fought really hard, trusting our gut that she just needed more time.
Ashley: She was released from her last specialist right after the year mark of what would have been her first birthday.
Ashley: Our once failure to thrive baby girl is striving and living a typical life. She's a 17 pound, 17 month old who's let us know from the start that she's on her time. And that's right on time.
Ashley:
Aisha: Well, thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing with us. I know so many of us mamas can relate to the feeding journey and how complicated and Rough. That can be. We are so glad that your girl is doing so good and is thriving. And like you said, she is right on time.
Aisha:
Aisha: [00:19:00] and next we have Alicia from Michigan and she says, hello, my name is Alicia and I'm from Warren, Michigan. My son Gianni was born at 34 weeks due to a severe preeclampsia. Diagnosis. I had this issue my last pregnancy, so we were prepared for it and it happened again. But this time it was sooner. I went in for my routine checkup, was sent to triage to get the first rounds of steroids. And then was admitted four minutes, a total of three pushes.
Aisha: And he was out I had about five minutes with him, but like it felt like seconds during this moment, the doctor showed us his cord, which was knotted in a true knot. He said, I was very lucky because in most cases, the circulation can be cut off causing health issues.
Aisha: And in some cases, a stillbirth. I was shocked and in that moment I thanked God. I always said that maybe that was his plan all along because if I had went the full 40 weeks, maybe our lives would be, would have looked [00:20:00] different. spent a lot of time questioning my choices during pregnancy. What I could have done differently to prevent this. Finding Dear NICU mama on Instagram really opened my eyes to not feeling ashamed of my story. I felt because my baby didn't stay a hundred NICU that I had no right to feel sad. I felt ashamed of how people looked at me because maybe somehow I could have prevented it
Aisha: No matter how long or how crazy the circumstance your story still matters.
Aisha: Leaving your baby alone for any amount of time is traumatic, especially when it's not in your control. Gianni is a happy, healthy, almost three year old. July 19th is his birthday, and I am so thankful for this community, and I can't wait to celebrate my little NICU warrior. I love that. And I love that. Um, she highlights something that's really important for us.
Aisha: And that is, it doesn't matter how long your NICU stay is, doesn't matter the circumstances, your story is worthy [00:21:00] of being shared and listened to and validated and your healing journey matters too. So thank you so much
Ashley: Yes, so good. Such a good and important reminder. Let's see,
Aisha:
Ashley: Okay, up next we have Zayla. And she writes, Hey guys, NICU PICU family from Tuckson, Arizona. We spent about 180 days in the hospital last year, 65 of those in the NICU. Aries was born with a very rare genetic condition called 5q31. 3 deletion syndrome. I'm not sure if there had been anything right on time with him, but what I've learned is everything is right on his time.
Ashley: However, the one thing that his condition couldn't delay from him from the start was his SMILE, and that's in all caps. It was right on time. Ares will be one on April 5th, and despite the first month of his life being an extremely challenging journey, he is one of the smiliest kids you will ever [00:22:00] meet. I hope that his story encourages other special needs moms in the NICU or PICU.
Aisha: So
Ashley: so beautiful. Also, I can just feel
Ashley: the pride in her
Aisha: Yes. Oh my goodness.
Aisha: And she included some really, really adorable pictures of her little guy in the email too.
Ashley: Oh my gosh,
Ashley: I want to
Ashley: see those.
Aisha: you. He is, he does
Aisha: have the most perfect, perfect smile.
Ashley: Okay, and lastly, for our read aloud submissions,
Ashley: we have one from Kiani from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Ashley: And she says, Hi, my name is Kiani and I am from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And my daughter was born at 30 weeks and five days due to help syndrome. And I remember the day that she was born
Ashley: they let me meet her and I remember hearing them say, we're going to be watching her until she's at least two to make sure she's hitting her milestones. It felt defeating and I wasn't sure what the future would hold. I remember [00:23:00] every day going to the NICU, hearing more negatives than positives,
Ashley: When we finally got the news that we were being discharged, it was like a weight off of my shoulders. Then, whenever the developmental specialist came to the house, if she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing at that age, it was more negatives than positives again. Now she is a year old, and she is thriving, and she is crawling, and we are getting closer to walking every day.
Ashley: She mazes her dad and I, Every single day. To anyone who is a parent of a preterm baby or NICU baby, your baby is amazing. You're amazing. There is absolutely nothing now that I personally would change. For the longest time, I beat myself up over it, but at the end of the day, she's here, she's healthy, and she's happy.
Ashley: So in my opinion, she was right on time, regardless of being born early. So beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Ashley: And we agree,
Ashley: She is right on time.
Ashley: Voicemail,
Aisha: writing in [00:24:00] and sharing your stories. We know how, it can be very vulnerable to open up and share parts of your story, but it's also so, so courageous. And we are so grateful for each and every one of you who wrote in, um, for this Mama's Calling. And now we get to listen to some voicemails that we received as well.
Aisha: So Let's listen to those and then we'll, um, say goodbye for today.
Sarah: Howdy, this is Sarah from Green Bay, Wisconsin. And I just wanted to share how I watched my son learn how to remember to breathe in, um, in the NICU. Every apnea he had was terrifying and,
Sarah: and it, everyone would extend his timing, um, in the NICU And, and then, you know, one day he just started to remember and we were home within the week.
Sarah: Um, and then at home, it was hard to, um, [00:25:00] be so isolated and, and just waiting for him to interact with me, to smile with me, at me. Um, To laugh and those things were really hard to wait for. But then when he finally did, it was so amazing, so wonderful in part because of the waiting, um, from his early arrival to now, um, that he's finishing his second year of 4k, he has always been right on time in his own time, even when that time was not the timing I wanted.
Sarah: Um, so just know that that your child is right on time to Dear NICU mama because the waiting is hard, but they are right on time um in their own way
Melissa: My name is Melissa . I'm calling about a time when my son was Right on [00:26:00] time. I actually have this phrase tattooed on my forearm. Uh, it was right in the thick of things with my son when the Dear NICU mama, uh, came out with the right on time poem. It hangs on our refrigerator and it is a phrase we live by every day.
Melissa: My son Cole was born six weeks early at 34 weeks. And I feel like he's, he'll be two in May, and I feel like that first year is so hard with their adjusted age versus their actual age, all the milestones that they reach in that first year. We struggled a lot with having my son start to crawl and having him start to walk and his first birthday came and went in May of 2023, and he still wasn't walking.
Melissa: And I was. Starting to get a little upset and down and trying to figure out, you know, other things we could do to get him to walk. And don't you know, right on what would have been his due date, June [00:27:00] 26th, that boy took his first steps. And it just reiterated why these little babes are always just right on time.
Melissa: Um, we love Dear NICU mama so much and thank you for all that you do. Bye!
Alisson: Hello, my name is Allison I am calling regarding the podcast. I am from Linden, Michigan. And I currently have a 5 month old who was born at 34 weeks. Exactly. She had a rough go around. She was an IVF baby. We had an emergency C section due to fetal intolerance, decelerations, a placental abruption, BPPO2 where she wasn't breathing, wasn't moving.
Alisson: And we had the C section, she came out, screened, stopped breathing, and then needed mechanical ventilation, and then essentially was progressed into a CPAP. Um, even though we are 5 months old, we still have lots and lots of milestones to reach, but one of [00:28:00] the recent milestones we've hit is rolling over.
Alisson: She is a roly poly. We are actually currently hospitalized, hopefully going home in the next couple of days. But all the nurses have noticed how much she is able to roll over. My cousin had a baby who was four days earlier than her, and, or born four days, um, earlier than her. And he was term, and he is yet to roll over.
Alisson: So, we are just very proud of her. All the milestones that she's reached. Um, Amelia is now almost 12 pounds. So we are slowly getting there in zero to three months close, but rolling over has one of the biggest things because she absolutely loves to roll over. Um, so thank you for listening.
Ashley: Well, we have the most beautiful community in the whole world. I'm biased, but this sisterhood is just so stunning and beautiful and anytime that we get to celebrate your kiddos, we love to do it. [00:29:00] And so, thank you to each and every one of you who shared a glimpse of your NICU babies right on time journey and know that
Ashley: No matter how big or how small the milestone may seem on the outside, it's worthy of celebration and we're celebrating them with you. And so consider this episode just a gentle reminder that every milestone that your baby reaches is on their own timeline. And it is right on time.
Ashley: And so, uh, whether or not you have your right on time sweatshirt, I know I wear mine anytime my son has a big milestone appointment, I'm going to be wearing it to his last speech appointment this week as a celebration. Um, just know again, we're celebrating here with you. And so, we love you guys. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Ashley: We'll definitely, um, make sure to post the next submission on our social media page and our private Facebook group.
Ashley: And we will be taking next week off so that we can have a little spring break and Aisha's going on a little trip. So we want to give her some time. [00:30:00] So we will definitely be posting some of our team's favorite episodes to check out if you haven't listened to those, but we will be back in two weeks, um, talking a little bit about C sections.
Ashley: So we're really excited. It is C section awareness month, so we hope to touch on that a little bit. But, Once again, thank you all for listening and just being a part of this community. We will miss you guys dearly next week, but are excited to be back in a couple. So have a wonderful rest of your day and we'll be back soon.
Ashley & Aisha: Thank you so much for listening to the Dear NICU Mama podcast. If you loved this episode, we'd be so grateful for a review. For more ways to connect with the Dear NICU Mama Sisterhood, check out the links in the episode description.
