Love, Molly

“Dear NICU Mama, When you doubt yourself, please remember: one day you will be a walking letter of hope for the NICU mom who doesn’t feel seen in their darkest of days. 

First off, I see you. I see you anxiously pacing down the hallway. I see you when you get a phone call in the middle of the night that isn’t the news you were expecting. I see you leaving the hospital time and time again without your baby. I see you watching your friends bring home their baby a day after being born. I see you walking in your babies’ nursery and they aren’t there. I see you driving home from the hospital, looking back at the car seat to see it empty. I SEE YOU. 

Being a NICU mama is not a journey that you ever anticipated. There will be days that you doubt yourself and question “Why me? Why put my baby through this?” There will be days that you witness a miracle happening right in front of you. There will be days that you cry tears of joy and, in the same day, cry tears of sorrow. It is okay to feel both. You were their first safe place and now you leave the hospital time after time, placing trust in strangers who don’t know you or your baby: your baby’s life in their hands. 

One day you will wake up and hear your baby crying next to you. You will be able to pick them up without asking anyone to hold them. The wires hanging from their delicate little bodies will be a vision in the past. You will look in your rearview mirror and see your baby smiling at you. You will walk into your babies’ nursery and see them reaching for you to pick them up in their crib. The NICU will become a memory. 

When in doubt, mama, remember you are doing everything that you need to for your little one right now. Take time for yourself. Know that it is okay to feel multiple emotions all at once. Ask the questions- as hard as they may be- and, as silly as it sounds, truly cherish every day. It’s okay to take it minute by minute. Remember, even though this season of life feels so permanent, it is a temporary bump in the beautiful road ahead.”

Love,
Molly

More of Molly + Jordan + Kinsley’s NICU Stoies:

“My twins were born at 27 weeks and 3 days due to prematurely dilating and my cerclage only holding 5 weeks. Jordan was born first and Kinsley followed 15 minutes later. They were both placed on cpap and taken right to the nicu. At first there was no big concerns other than they just needed to grow big and strong. Kinsley was quickly surpassing Jordan and her only set back was needing more time on the ram canula. She was ready to go home, she went home a month before her due date. Jordan on the other hand had a rougher nicu stay and required more attention from nicu nurses and doctors. Jordan got a uti and was placed on the niv nava for extra breathing support, we then got him back on track and he was going well on cpap. He then got what we think was nec (necrotizing enterocolitis) but bacteria samples never confirmed it. These were the hardest two weeks because he was placed on a ventilator due to his belly getting so big and the pressure on his lungs his little body just couldn’t handle it. Thankfully by the grace of god our little man pulled through and it was only up from there or so we thought. He then got his two month vaccines and his little body couldn’t take it and he ended up back on the niv nava. After recovering from that we were finally back on track and just growing day by day. He was on the nasal cannula for extra breathing support and was sent home on low flow oxygen. 5 months later and we have weaned him fully off during the day. These nicu babies are definitely fighters and are so much stronger than you think.”