Love, Kelli
“Dear NICU Mama, When I look back on 2021, I see a woman who has grown into the best version of herself. From that first time you were pushed through those NICU doors, to the final walk baby in tow... you fought not only for your tiny love, but also for yourself.
From laying in a hospital bed without your baby longing to have those firsts. To standing on those shaky legs for as long as you could just to stare into that isolette. To hoping to hear the words, "Would you like to hold your baby today?"
You spent endless hours staring at your phone researching NICU lingo and your baby's condition, or at photos, videos, or a crummy live feed video of your little one hoping you would produce just a little breast milk to fuel their little body. You walked out of that NICU day after day with tears dripping off your face, and some days you made the decision to stay home and rest.
During those early days, you may have felt like you were on autopilot, or even felt disconnected. Looking back, I believe that's our body's way of protecting us from completely falling apart. Days turn into weeks, maybe even months, but then discharge day eventually comes and that's when your healing journey begins.
Watching your little one meet milestone after milestone keeps pushing you towards healing, and within that healing you become the best version of you. You not only survived, but you thrived. And that proof is in the NICU miracle you call your baby.”
Love,
Kelli
More of Kelli + Reese + Ryder’s NICU Journey:
“Being a mom is something I've always wanted, and suffering from infertility only made that desire stronger. My husband and I tried for over 4 years for a baby with various treatments and procedures, and nothing seemed to work. In February 2020, my best friend and brother were diagnosed with stage 4 heart failure, and in the midst of fertility treatments, we paused and focused on time with my brother. Six months later he passed away, but his final wish was that we kept trying for a baby. So we began treatment again and sure enough, right before the New Year we found out we were expecting our miracle. A few months later we found out it was twins... a boy and a girl.
At 32 weeks I was admitted for preeclampsia, and at 33 weeks and 3 days we welcomed Reese CJ and Ryder Clint (both named after my amazing brother) via emergency c-section. Up until this point, my pregnancy had been uncomplicated. Our daughter was whisked away before we could even see her, and after seeing our son for about 30 seconds he too was taken. I spent the next 35 hours receiving treatment myself, unable to see my sweet babies.
I'm not sure anything could have prepared me when I entered the NICU for the first time. Those are images forever etched in my mind. For ten days, my babies were separated in different rooms due to the severity of their needs. Ryder did exceptionally well and came home after 15 days. Having one home and one an hour away was beyond difficult. Leaving Ryder every morning was excruciating and leaving Reese every evening at the hospital was excruciating. After 5 weeks, she was finally discharged and we were home altogether.
Loss, infertility, and the NICU have brought unimaginable pain, but these sweet miracle babies have brought so much joy into our lives. They truly came at the most perfect time and remind us daily to keep going... to keep healing.”
