Love, Jakarta

Dear NICU Mama,

When you feel alone, remember it is not your fault. Being a NICU mama is isolating. This was not the path we set out on or ever imagined. It's definitely not the path we would have chosen for our children. We as mothers were not meant to love our babies through the hard plastic walls of an incubator, wait days or weeks to hold them, or watch them fight for their life. The ideal image of pregnancy and birth has been sold to us our entire life, and most of us never knew any different. Straying from these images makes us feel alone.

It's not your fault it didn’t go the way it should have, or how you dreamed for it to go. Not being able to relate to mamas without a NICU stay isn’t your fault. Explaining why your child came early and isn't home isn’t your fault. You think of all the things you wish you would have done differently or you blame yourself. But mama, it is not your fault and you are not alone.

 There is nothing we wouldn't do for our NICU baby and sometimes that makes you feel alone. The hours spent at their bedside wishing for them to come home. The beeps of the machines that now take over your dreams. Even when you go through those restless nights away from your little one worried that you'll get a call from the NICU, you are not alone.

 When your child is rehospitalized, we stand with you. When you feel lonely in a crowd of people, we stand with you. When you hold back tears, we stand with you. While you hold your breath waiting for good news, we stand with you. While you walk with your head held down, we stand with you. Your story is that of triumphs and defeats, but it is the greatest story ever told. Hold your head high for you are strong. You are a NICU mama and your story will move mountains.

Love,

Jakarta

More of Jakarta + August’s NICU journey:

After seven years trying to conceive, an emergency cerclage placed at 22 weeks, and almost a month of hospital bedrest, August was born at 26 weeks and 6 days. He was 2 pounds and 1oz, and spent 98 days in the NICU at Masonic Children's Hospital. As a micro preemie the odds are not always in your favor, but he beat the odds many, many times, and continues to. His NICU stay was filled with some of the happiest days, and some of the most terrifying days of my life, but he made it!

To listen to Jakarta’e letter on the podcast:

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