Love, Emily
“Dear NICU Mama, When joy finds you, I hope you are taken by surprise.
I hope it finds you in those moments where you feel it cannot possibly be. I hope it finds you despite all the NICU machines and despite the blaring of the monitors. I hope it finds you as you stand by the incubator for the first time or the hundredth time. I hope joy finds you in the moment you are in.
In the NICU, we moms can feel so robbed. We feel so robbed of the joy we were told we would feel when we first saw our precious little ones. Instead of a golden hour, we are given pamphlets of medical lingo we don’t really understand as we wait longingly to hold our baby. We might burn with jealousy, envious of those who don’t have to see their tiny babies so soon.
But despite the robbery, I found there are new occasions for joy. The joy of the first kangaroo care. The joy of weaning off the breathing machines. The joy of the first finished bottle. The joy of the first successful latch to breastfeed after weeks of trying. The joy of finally passing tests. The joy of passing the car seat test.
The joy of being handed discharge papers. The joy of hugging the nurses goodbye. The joy of finally going home.
But mostly, the joy of knowing the little fighter in that incubator is mine. And I am his.
And that’s where I hope joy finds you—in those moments you don’t expect it to, despite everything. And I hope it keeps you going.”
Love,
Emily
More of Emily + her son’s NICU Journey:
“Baby T was in the NICU for three and a half weeks. He was born at 33 weeks and 2 days via C-section due to severe preeclampsia. I only received one round of steroid injections for his lungs, and I remember asking the NICU doctor who came to talk to us if he would cry when he was born. The response was, “Hopefully!” and—to everyone’s surprise—this guy came out screaming like a full-term baby, weighing a little over 5 pounds. He started on CPAP and went down to a cannula the first week of his stay. We had a few setbacks, including his oxygen dipping while he learned to bottle feed. This delayed us going home a couple of times and required him to go off and on the cannula (which he loved to pull off, he really kept those sweet nurses on their toes). Now he’s a healthy four-month-old who is starting to roll over and smiles at everything and everyone!”
