Love, Denali

“Dear NICU Mama, I see how much courage it took to think and speak about the future.

You sat or maybe are sitting now beside this tiny precious being facing an introduction to parenthood so different from what you may have dreamed. You may have blamed yourself or your body for how you ended up here. You may be struggling with every choice you have to make about your little one's care, questioning whether you are doing the best thing for this person. You may be hesitant to even think about tomorrow, wondering what the future holds for your family.

Mama, you did and endured so much to bring this baby here. And now you are doing and enduring so much to become your child's first and fiercest advocate. Tomorrow is full of the unknown, but you will still do and endure so much on behalf of your child and family, whether they come home tomorrow thriving, or come home in months with medical needs you never knew you would be managing, or whether their final home in your heart.

You may be thinking of the future with fear and hope at the same time. You may want to speak your hopes and fears aloud to others and let them carry that weight with you, or you may want to keep all speculation about the future deep in your own heart. But whatever the future holds, I know it holds your continued growth into the best possible mother for your beloved child. That growth never ends, no matter how your NICU story concludes. Your courage will shine through you for the rest of your days.”

Love,
Denali

More of Denali + Fitzpatrick’s Journey:

“At 34 weeks, during an ultrasound, our sweet baby was diagnosed with growth restriction and abnormal blood flow through the placenta. The very next day, my blood pressure rose dramatically and I was admitted with severe pre-eclampsia. Unfortunately the NICU at my local hospital was full, and the labor and delivery at the next nearest hospital was also full, so I was transferred 2 hours north to begin induction at a hospital that had space for both me and my baby. After 2.5 days of induction, our baby's heart rate dropped to the 40s and I
had an emergency C-section. It was several hours after I woke from surgery before I got to meet my son Fitzpatrick. We spent 3 weeks in the NICU, traveling 2 hours each way daily after discharge to spend each day at his bedside. Each day presented new joys and challenges, and the same has been true since we brought him home. But the growth we experienced as parents and partners during Fitz's birth and NICU stay has only strengthened us as a team and family. 

Now, 20 months later, we just welcomed his baby sister Adelaide. The process of looking forward to her conception, pregnancy and delivery wasn't easy after Fitz's birth experience, nor was it easy to face well meaning questions from people who assumed the next pregnancy must be simpler. But we are delighted to be watching our family grow in size, courage and heart.”