Love, Cheryl

Dear NICU mama,

You and your full-term NICU baby are warriors. What an unexpected journey to be forced to face. Healthy pregnancy, healthy labor, healthy everything and then BOOM. Your baby is whisked away with your body and mind left exhausted and reeling. You aren’t alone. I was there too. I faced that same first walk through the NICU past all the fragile preemies wondering why I was there. I sat in anger watching tiny babies go home before my big boy. I cried pumping in an empty nursery, asking God why things had to be this way. I grieved those lost first moments I thought I would have after 41 weeks of preparing. I told myself, in denial of my pain, that it could always be worse. I pushed through - just like you.

But I am here to tell you that your trauma and experience are just as real as the mom’s in the neighboring isolette (despite what you tell yourself). You deserve to hurt, heal, and own your birth story. It could always be worse, but an unexpected NICU stay is painful. No ifs, ands, or buts. Your pain is as real as it gets.

I’m also here to tell you that it gets better. Every day, every milestone reached, every tube taken out, every uneventful day with no news, every painful drive home without your baby. Every day is a hard-fought victory. Every day your baby gets stronger. Every day YOU get stronger.

Though there are days and moments and experiences you will grieve you'll never get back, you are learning how to love in a way that few people will ever understand. You are learning how to love despite a broken heart and broken expectations. You have no idea what tremendous courage that takes. Right now, sobbing in the pumping room or worried sick by your baby’s bedside, you are a warrior. Your baby is a warrior and is blessed to have you for a mama.

You are doing an amazing job and are a good mom. I promise. I'm proud of you, I'm praying for you, and I love you.

Love,

Cheryl

Fore more of Cheryl + Simon’s NICU journey:

Simon Benedict was born at 40 weeks + 6 days after an awesome unmedicated vaginal birth. He was diagnosed with severe Meconium Aspiration Syndrome and severe Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn (PPHN)—that is basically, failure to transition from fetal to newborn respiration. He was transported via ambulance across town to a hospital with a NICU. His 15-day NICU stay consisted of chest x-rays, echocardiograms, blood gas tests, and oxygen therapy. He was weaned from intubation to CPAP to high-flow oxygen to low-flow oxygen. He remained on supplemental oxygen for 6 weeks after discharge. After weeks of home healthcare, cardiologist appointments, and 3 emergency room trips for mama, they struggled to adjust to post-NICU life at home.

They still rejoice at every milestone met and every clean bill of health. It has taken months to process everything they experienced during their rocky road into parenthood. They feel so blessed by all who cared for Simon during his recovery, and say that it is awesome to know that they are not alone in their journey. Their prayers and love are with all NICU families!