Love, Amy
“Dear NICU Mama, On your hardest days, I hope you know that something beautiful is happening inside of you.
You may be angry and you may be in pain, but you are growing and shedding skin to become a softer, stronger version of yourself.
For some unknown reason, you have been called to this deep work; honour the grief your body is feeling.
While you navigate this space in the NICU, your baby will bring you small joys and miracles with their little finger grips, milestones and finally graduation. Honour those moments too.
Embrace the space where weeping and joy come together, where yearning and delight come together. I know this is not what you imagined, mama, but feel it all. Welcome what is happening, and you will slowly notice a certain joy.
This is the hardest thing you might ever have to do—and it might even get a little harder—but know that it is okay to have a hard day. Surrendering is sacred work, and there is light that will shine through the cracks if you allow it to. So, soften. I can’t tell you what will happen from here. But I can tell you that your heart deserves peace and your body deserves rest no matter the uncertainty.
Take care, you are doing the most.”
Love,
Amy
More of Jude + Atlas’s NICU Journey:
“My NICU stay was four weeks to the day.
I had my boys at 33 weeks. My water broke and they tried to stop the labour, but it didn’t work; I gave birth vaginally to twin A as they rolled me into OR and then had a C-section for twin B. They went straight onto oxygen, and I was told to rest.
I went to see the boys the next day. The NICU stay felt like forever; I also had a five year old at home, so we had to keep a sense of normalcy for her during the time.
Having my boys early made me feel powerless to say the least. It was such a different experience than with my firstborn, as I didn’t get the immediate bonding I had with her. It’s been a long, slow process of deep work, and I’m still very much on my healing journey. It all happened so fast and too soon. Sometimes I feel completely stuck in the trauma, while other days I am completely fine. But I’m committed to doing the work, so I can show up fully for my kids. Today, everyday, I feel blessed to have my healthy boys home and safely sleeping beside me. Jude Holiday and Atlas Gabriel, my awesome little bundles of love.”
