Love, Allie
“Dear NICU Mama, Your birth story tells the story of:
Loss. Your birth may not have happened how you planned or dreamed. It may well have been brutal and frightening and sad. And it’s ok to grieve the loss of the birth story you’d hoped for. It’s important to acknowledge it for what it is - a loss. Just try not to forget that you and your incredible body brought a new life into the world. And however that happened, it’s worth feeling proud of.
Bravery. It takes everything to calmly allow medical professionals to take your baby at birth to administer the care they need. That separation hurts like nothing else. But what bravery. What fierce determined bravery to stand back even though everything inside wants your baby close to you. That bravery shows the true meaning of being a mother. A warrior mama showing her baby how to fight.
A birthday! The range of emotions before and after having a NICU baby can leave little space for celebration. Amongst the wires and the beeping, the scared tired eyes, the fears for the future and the separation and the desperation to be near all the time - but also the need to sleep, the guilt at leaving, processing of all the medical information, the recovery from birth, and the endless other emotions we NICU mothers experience. Amongst all that, try to take a breath and acknowledge that you just had a baby. A beautiful human which you created out of love and brought into the world. That is worth celebrating - even in a quiet way to yourself.
Happy birthday little one.”
Love,
Allie
More of Allie + Otto’s NICU story:
I had a baby boy in July 2023. His name is Otto. He was diagnosed on my birthday at 32 weeks pregnant with a condition called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). It is not a very well known condition https://cdhuk.org.uk/
A very different journey to the one we had expected began that day. Otto was given a 50% prognosis. He was born nearly at term and was immediately put on life support in the NICU whilst his lungs stabilised. He was transported to Birmingham children’s hospital PICU and had life saving surgery when he was 5 days old. He had 2 episodes of desaturation. But then he started to recover. He opened his eyes. He tried breathing for himself with support. He tolerated a feed into his stomach. And eventually one by one, the tubes were removed. He got stronger and came home to us after 2 and a half weeks. He will be 8 months old next week and he’s doing incredibly well. He goes swimming and to baby club. He’s only had one hospital admission since discharge for oxygen and feeding support. He seems to be developing well although his condition can affect each child very differently so we have no idea if it will impact him as he grows and becomes more active. In the end he’s our Otto and such a funny chatty little boy.
I find your account and posts really help me to come to terms with our journey. As a new mama it is difficult to find the time to acknowledge how the journey through NICU felt but hearing others similar experiences is helping me to do that and to heal so thank you.
Also I find that a lot of people assume that babies in NICU are all premature even though they can end up there for all kinds of reasons. Because Otto was born nearly at term he was a giant compared to some of the other babies! but he was also dangerously poorly until after his surgery. So I think it’s important to raise awareness that babies in NICU aren’t all prem. That way all families will receive the support they deserve when things like parental allowance by employers etc. are considered.
