Love, Aarti
“Dear NICU Mama, Practicing gratitude in a season of grief can look like appreciating the duality of your emotions. You can be thankful for things you have and grieve the struggles you are experiencing at the same time.
You can laugh at home with your other kids while your baby is still in the NICU.
You can feel relief when you walk out of that hospital room, even though it breaks your heart.
You can order your favorite meal or take a long shower while your baby is hooked up to all those wires.
You can allow yourself to feel joy through the pain.
Practicing gratitude during your season of grief is showing kindness and appreciation to yourself. It is trying to let go of guilt and trying to identify small things that can bring you joy and comfort. Because NICU mama, you deserve them. At the same time, allow yourself to grieve. No one knows the grief of having a baby that you can't take home like a NICU mom. Even if your baby is home and thriving now–you still may carry the weight of your trauma.
This holiday season may not look like others, and that's okay. You may not feel like the same person anymore, and that’s okay. This process may have changed you, and that’s okay. Be kind to yourself. You are courageous and resilient. You are exactly what your baby needs.”
Love,
Aarti
More of Aarti + Her Children’s NICU Journeys:
"I am a NICU mama x2. My first was a seemingly healthy baby that ended up in the NICU due to an infection I had during labor. After being admitted into the NICU, he had to stay there for a bit because he wasn't eating as much as they wanted, and he could not regulate his own temperature well. It felt like we would never satisfy the checklist the NICU requires for discharge. As he was born on March 14, 2020–COVID-19 global pandemic day 4–I had no shortage of fear and anxiety. Not only did I have guilt that I had such a healthy baby in the NICU, I was also not prepared for the feeling of having a baby and leaving the hospital without him.
Baby #2 was a bit different for me. We found out at our 20 week ultrasound that she has a congenital heart defect called tetraology of fallot. Due to her heart condition, we knew she would go straight to the NICU. Fortunately, after being monitored and cleared after 48 hours, she was discharged with us. But unfortunately, we went back to the hospital for her open heart surgery when she was about four months old, and she spent two weeks in the pediatric cardiac intensive care unit (PCICU). Our stay was peppered with rare complications and an unexpected second surgery. Though I had done it before–again–nothing could prepare me to have to leave my baby at the hospital for any amount of time. Having a toddler at home complicated this for me even more. We know there will be more surgery in her future, but we try our best to stay optimistic.”
