Healing is lifelong: Growing your Family After the NICU

At some point in your motherhood journey, a curious mind may ask, “Are you going to have another baby?” This question may seem straightforward, but it can feel intrusive, complicated and even triggering for mamas who have struggled with infertility, had a traumatic pregnancy or birth experience, or spent any amount of time in the NICU.

There’s a lot to consider when deciding whether or not to grow your family after a NICU stay. While some mamas know right away, others need time. The decision-making process is a journey in itself, one that can be hard but also healing.

To the NICU mama who wants another baby but not another NICU stay, we see you. It takes courage to find a safe space to share your dreams and fears. It takes courage to consult with specialists and ask questions you are both excited and afraid to know the answer to.

When you ask about the past to understand what caused your baby’s distress, we hope you hear “this was not your fault” loud and clear. We hope this helps you release any remaining self-blame or guilt you’ve been carrying, and we hope this heals your heart.

When you ask about the future to understand how likely it is to happen again, we hope you hear how strong, resilient and capable you are. We hope you see how much you’ve learned and grown, and we hope this empowers you.

Mama, we hope you hear what you’re hoping to hear, news that supports whatever your heart desires. But whatever it is you hear, please know you are not alone.

The NICU sisterhood includes mamas who have had babies after the NICU, mamas who have not, mamas who weren’t given the choice to carry more of their own, and mamas who haven’t decided yet. Which path is right for you is a decision only you, your partner, and your doctor can make. We know it’s not easy.

So today we want to remind you that there is no timeline or right way to decide whether or not to grow your family. It’s okay if you don’t know yet if you will have another baby. You don’t have to decide today, and you certainly don’t owe anyone an answer. When you are ready, you will know. And your NICU sisters are here for you as you learn, heal, and grow through the process.